YBB Newsletter

Communicating a tough bit of feedback has always been hard.

We’re nice people, working in a nice industry who’ve internalised the idea that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.

Yet we all recognise the value of feedback - there’s nothing worse than being in your annual review and hearing for the first time something that happened 3 months ago that you could have addressed, had you been aware.

Don’t get stuck in either / or thinking

We tend to have a fixed mental model about feedback.

Positive feedback = good, kind and motivating.

Negative feedback = bad, unkind and deflating.

But this black and white thinking is faulty logic & keeps us stuck.

It’s faulty because as soon as there is a mismatch between what we are saying: “This work was fantastic” and what people are seeing - e.g. a document heavily edited since their version - people’s self-belief and trust in you takes a knock.

There’s a big space between these two extremes we can label being fair.

Feedback is fair when it comes from a place of positive intent, and has their (and the team / business’s) best interests at heart.

If we aim for fairness we are not only being kind, but we are also showing we believe in their capacity to learn, adapt and grow. When they do then overcome a present difficulty, this is when true confidence swells.

People see feedback as a threat

Scientific studies have shown that receiving feedback activates our lizard brain - the part connected to survival which triggers our fight / flight response. This makes it especially hard for people to absorb and action what you are saying.

The temptation is to soften feedback, or wait until we have positives to balance things out, but doing this means we risk our message getting lost or misunderstood.

To calm this threat status we can:

1. Be Consistent: If people expect regular feedback from you, then it will become more normalised.

2. Avoid Making Assumptions: Stick to the observable behaviour & impact and people will feel less defensive.

3. Be Direct: No **** sandwiches.

3 things to TRY to practice the Art of Feedback

1. TASK-BASED FEEDBACK vs. A DEVELOPMENT CONVERSATION:

   Task-based feedback needs to be regular and timely. It can be a short sentence delivered right after the meeting / task via any channel.

   A development conversation is a monthly meeting where you’re zooming out to look at themes together and align on short-term goals & actions.

   If you find giving tougher feedback hard - task-specific is the place to start.

2. CHECK ALIGNMENT & UNDERSTANDING: With the best of intentions, a lot of our feedback efforts fail, because what we are saying is either not heard or not accepted. Always ask “Does this feedback resonate with you?” and “What do you see as the next steps?” to check you’re on the same page.

3. INCLUDE THEM IN THE SOLUTION: Assumptions are a killer when it comes to feedback… we assume they didn’t understand the brief when actually they need to work on time management skills. Asking “what got in the way for you?” and “what do you think you can do differently next time?” means we’re addressing the real problem.

Want to learn more?

There’s lots more to work through on this topic… and so if you’re keen to hone your feedback skills, then join my free 60 minute “Art of Feedback” session on Wednesday 7th May @12pm. Be great to see you or one of your colleagues there. Email me [email protected] to book a slot.

If you’re a new or growing manager who wants to get out of the weeds, join my 6-week Burn Bright (Not Out) programme. I welcome people from both client-side & agency-side. Prices are from £749pp.

I also run 121 and group programmes for leaders. I help them prepare for leadership roles and provide in role support. Prices from £1450pp.

Thank you for reading

If you’ve enjoyed it, let me know. And please share it with a friend or colleague who needs that reminder that feedback is kind.